If someone would have told me a month ago that Aunt Becky would have to have a high risk, critical brain surgery to save her life, I wouldn't have believed it... The past couple of weeks have been full and super crazy! With a few long(the longest hour in a car, ever) trips to Birmingham. But as long, chaotic, and exhausting the past couple weeks have been, I have seen God at work, more so than I have in a while. And I LOVE it! And expected nothing less than His great love and mercy for His daughter who is so very loyal and faithful in serving Him. What an awesome story she will have to add to her testimony after this!
Aunt Becky has had migraines for a long time now, but when she started losing the feeling in her left side, an anxious sick feeling settled in me... And this past Friday (July 29th) when I found out she had been admitted to the hospital again and her whole body was almost completely numb, that she could not walk on her own, talk and was losing her ability to swallow fear and almost panic set inside me. Learning that the spot on her brain, that was found in a CT scan just a week and a half before had grown, causing the issues. The uncertainty was nearly unbearable! Saturday, July 30, she was transferred from Jacksonville to Trinity in Birmingham, I knew I had to go. Saturday evening I went to the hospital and was even able to go back to the ICU to see her. MAN oh MAN was that hard!! I don't even have words to describe that feeling I get when I see someone I love lying helplessly in a hospital bed with all the tubes and wires attached to her, the vent tube down her throat and the other end attached to a machine that is breathing FOR her, nearly pushed me to my breaking point. But by God alone, I held it together.
Aunt Becky has always been there for me, the one I run to when things aren't going just right. She is ALWAYS there, strong and together. Now it is my turn to be there for her, strong and together. Well, as together as I can be... If that means taking the kids for awhile, cleaning her house, or making trips to Birmingham to to sit in prayer in the waiting room until time to go back and see her, then being able to talk to her, hold her hand, making sure she's comfortable. Then that's what I'll do, because family takes care of each other. And I will do anything and everything I can for her and her family.
I thank God every day for putting such a wonderful, godly lady in my life. Aunt Becky has shown me just what it means to be loyal and faithful in serving God no matter the situation. I look up to her in many many ways and I love her so very much! And I thank Him for the healing He is pouring into Aunt Becky. He has been in the very middle of this situation the entire time. From putting Marc in the back of the ambulance to ride with her when she was transferred to Birmingham, to the surgeon scheduling her surgery on that Sunday morning (July 31) so that she would be his main priority, to providing a "direct path" to the cluster of blood vessels, that seemed to just come to the surface to be removed. I have not had any doubt that God has been in this situation the whole time. He promised He would never leave us, right? :)
I have a peace inside that God is taking care of His little girl. I can even picture God whispering to her, "Don't worry Becky, I'm right here." like any father would whisper to their child. And having that peace inside, and knowing God is so close to her during all of this keeps me smiling. Of course I jump at every chance I get to go see her and I enjoy every second of those few minutes I get to be with her. And while I do enjoy getting to be with her, it is also still so very hard to see her like that. The walk from the waiting room back to her my emotions go crazy! But when I step into her room, they seem to just chill out. That peace settles in me again... But as I walk back to the waiting room I have to fight the tears. I want so badly to just fall apart. To have a breakdown, just crying and screaming how unfair it is for her. "She shouldn't have to deal with this... Why someone who has been so faithful to serve You?" And then just as quickly as that rush of frustration and almost anger comes, it leaves. Because of the promises God has given to His children. He gives me His answer through conveniently sent texts sent by Uncle Eric, who is giving me an update on Aunt Becky's progress. Or an answer through the CaringBridge page, the encouraging words from others to Becky. I am quickly reminded of the "reason" or God's answer for my question WHY?
"Because, she IS faithful!" God knew that this challenge would not break her. He knew that Aunt Becky would lean on Him through this, that neither her nor Uncle Eric's faith in Him would not waiver. They would give Him all the glory! God also knew that because of Aunt Becky's faithfulness and true love for Him, many many people would be touched by this situation. Renewing the strength of faith in some, restoring lost faith in others, and possibly even producing new faith in some. So even by "simply" lying in a hospital bed, fighting to get her life back, Aunt Becky is still doing work for God's kingdom. So for me to ask "WHY?" is pretty much like asking God why He's using a willing vessel? And that's such a silly question to ask! So the next time my human-ness gets the urge to break down, cry and scream WHY and basically just fall apart, I'll remember Aunt Becky's beautiful smile and her willingness to do God's work.
Now, I know that she never asked for this, but how often I know she has said, "Lord, use me" The strength of her spirit, the strength of her relationship with Christ, and her determination (or stubbornness) ;) are MORE than enough to get her through. Not to mention the love, support, and prayers from her family, friends, and others. I'm sure she doesn't have any idea just how many people she has praying for her, and how many people she is touching through this situation.
I don't really know how to close this, other than just to ask you to PLEASE PLEASE be in prayer for her?!?! That God continue to heal and strengthen her body, mind, and spirit! That she keep her will to fight!
