Have you ever really wondered why Jesus was born in a stable?? To tell you the truth, I never really gave it much thought, other than that’s just how it was suppose to be. But Uncle Pastor Randy had a message about this very topic in Dec. 2007. He explained it to us, and here is my recap. I hope I do it justice…
Why was Jesus born in a stable?? The simple answer: Because He was a sacrifice. But to understand it better, you have to go back in time, way back, before Jesus was born on earth. All the way back to, you guessed it, Adam and Eve. Is it just me, or does it seem that they always get blamed for stuff?? :)
When Adam and Eve were in the garden, God told them they could eat whatever they wanted as long as they did NOT eat the fruit from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. If they did, they would surely die. Well, we all know they both ate the forbidden fruit, realizing that they weren’t wearing any clothes. So like any modest human being, they ran and hid… from God?!? That fact is pretty funny to me, because you can’t hide from God. Anyhow, even though Adam and Eve didn’t die a physical death, they died a spiritual death. And God, being the loving and caring God that He is, sacrificed an animal to make clothing for them, and then in His great kindness and mercy, kicked them out of the Garden of Eden. A sacrifice was used to “cover” Adam’s and Eve’s sin…
Okay, fast forward a little; We’ve all heard the story of when God told Abraham to take his son, his only son Isaac up on the top of a mountain to sacrifice him. With Abraham being the obedient man of God that he was, he obeyed though he didn’t want to kill his son. He loved God so much that he was willing to do whatever God asked of him, including sacrificing his son. So, Abraham took Isaac up on the mountain, bound his hands and feet together, laid him on the alter he’d made and as he was about to kill him there was a rustle in some nearby bushes. Abraham went over to the bushes to find a ram tangled within them, this became Abraham’s and Isaac’s sacrifice to God. Once again, God provided an animal for the sacrifice…
Fast forward again, as you know Jesus was born in the city of Bethlehem; but did you know that the city of Bethlehem was where all the lambs that were to be made a sacrifice were kept? All the lambs were born in regular stables, just like any other animal, but only the PERFECT ones were taken to a pin to be used as a sacrifice. Did you catch that?? I’ll say it again, only the PERFECT lambs would become a sacrifice. And as you and I both know Jesus is THE PERFECT LAMB! And 33 years after His birth, in a stable, He became the ultimate sacrifice, and died to cover all our sins. Amazing, huh?!?
So as Christmas quickly approaches, I hope that you all take some time to really think about how truly amazing the birth of Christ really is. Jesus may be the “Reason for the season.” BUT remember, We are the Reason for Jesus.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Contents of My Heart...
God, I want to stand before You, and tell You how much I love You; but right now I can't find strength to get up off my knees. Thoughts are racing through my mind, and I try to make them make sense. Then my eyes fill with tears and they spill down my face as I realize You already know every thought going through my mind. So these emotions and thoughts don't have to make sense to me for You to understand. Humbly I sit before You and let what I feel like is nothing but a mumble-jumble mess come from my heart and pour out of my mouth...
God, I feel so lost, so confused, and unsure, of, why?! I don't know what I'm suppose to do with this, and waiting on You to show me is HARD. And I know deep down that it was and is for a specific purpose and meaning... So, help me to let it be okay, help me to know I don't have to understand why, or what I'm to do with it, because it's purpose will be fulfilled. And God, I'm hurting. Both physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm falling apart. I miss my best friend, he comes to mind many times a day. I wonder, What jokes would he play on me today? Would we still go for rides in his truck? Would we still hide Grandmother's keys and watch her search the whole house while we laughed?? And the past 9 1/2 months have flown by, it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that Granddaddy is really gone. My selfish, human nature wants them both back here with me. No matter how much I wish they were here, and how wrong it feels to just go on with life without them, I know if I were given the chance to bring them back, I wouldn't do it. I may be selfish at times, but I love them too much to bring them back to this sin infested earth. So I'll wait for the day we can be together again, with You.
And so, even though my heart contains confusion, uncertainty, hurt, bitterness, selfishness, and grief; it also contains love, happiness, joy, adoration, awe, and appreciation. It is so good to know that You and only You can take the mumble-jumble contents of my heart and put them together perfectly. Into the masterpiece You created, me... Thank You God for never giving up on me!
God, I feel so lost, so confused, and unsure, of, why?! I don't know what I'm suppose to do with this, and waiting on You to show me is HARD. And I know deep down that it was and is for a specific purpose and meaning... So, help me to let it be okay, help me to know I don't have to understand why, or what I'm to do with it, because it's purpose will be fulfilled. And God, I'm hurting. Both physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm falling apart. I miss my best friend, he comes to mind many times a day. I wonder, What jokes would he play on me today? Would we still go for rides in his truck? Would we still hide Grandmother's keys and watch her search the whole house while we laughed?? And the past 9 1/2 months have flown by, it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that Granddaddy is really gone. My selfish, human nature wants them both back here with me. No matter how much I wish they were here, and how wrong it feels to just go on with life without them, I know if I were given the chance to bring them back, I wouldn't do it. I may be selfish at times, but I love them too much to bring them back to this sin infested earth. So I'll wait for the day we can be together again, with You.
And so, even though my heart contains confusion, uncertainty, hurt, bitterness, selfishness, and grief; it also contains love, happiness, joy, adoration, awe, and appreciation. It is so good to know that You and only You can take the mumble-jumble contents of my heart and put them together perfectly. Into the masterpiece You created, me... Thank You God for never giving up on me!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
What a Mighty God We Serve (revised)
Have you ever really thought about how big our God is? I mean really! We serve a big, mighty, and powerful God!! He made the earth and every living thing on it. God keeps everything on earth just right so that we (humans) can continue living. And with the billions of people on earth, don’t you think that He would have to be really big to keep it all under control? God knows the number of starts in the sky, the number of grains of sand, and the exact number of hairs on your head, and if you have ever seen me, you how truly amazing that really is. I have a LOT of hair. J God creates each and every single person in His image, yet no two people look the same.
God loves you and me. A simple statement that most often we take for granted. Take a minute and think about the life you have lived up to today… I have no doubt in my mind that we have all done things we aren’t proud of. God still loves us in spite of every wrong thing we have said, done, or thought. If and when you wrap your mind around that, you get this awesome feeling inside; at least I did. It also made me wonder: How, after all that I’ve done, after all the times that I’ve screwed up could God still love me?? His answer to me, “Because I am God. I am love. I am.” He is love, and will always love us… AMAZING, mind-blowing, and comforting!
One of the most powerful verses in the Bible, to me is John 3:16. It is one that everyone knows, most have memorized, and sadly we have diluted. Let’s take some time to seriously think about the power this verse has. Most often when we recite this verse we do just that, recite it; in a mono-tone, mumble… “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life.” But what if we said it like this:
For God SO loved the world
God didn’t just love the world, but He SO loved the world. Many times we just seem to skip over the word SO, and pay no attention to it. Pay attention to it! Even though it may seem like such a small, meaningless word, it carries a great deal of meaning in its two letters.
He gave His One and ONLY Son
God sent His only son to earth to die for our sins, so we wouldn’t have to spend eternity (forever) in hell. God didn’t send just any son, not one that He would make another one of, but God sent His one and only PERFECT son to die for us.
So that whoever believes will not die, but have eternal life.
If we truly believe 100% in Jesus Christ, that He is the perfect son of God, who became man, lived a sinless life, was beaten and crucified and put on a cross to die as punishment for the sins of every other person on earth, and He rose again 3 days later, we can live forever with God in Heaven. All God wants us to do is believe He sent his Son to die for our sins and to love Him.
Doesn’t everyone want to make their daddy happy? Then why shouldn’t we try our very best to make our Heavenly Father happy? It sounds simple enough, right? Believe that Jesus died for our sins, love and praise Him with our whole heart, soul, mind and strength. But we humans tend to over think things and make them more difficult than they should be. I know I do. I think it’s time to get back to the basics… A challenge for you, if you are willing to accept, and for me too: When reciting verses, do so with the power the verse itself holds. When worshipping, hold nothing back. Worship God with everything; don’t worry about what your friends will think of you, or what the person a couple rows over will think. Focus only on God, wholeheartedly and you will feel like there is no one else around. If you feel like clapping, then clap, if you feel like raising your hands, then do it. Do whatever you feel in your heart. As long as God is your focus, and what you are doing isn’t for show He will be pleased. Don’t worry about who, if anyone is watching, it shouldn’t matter. Keep focus on the One and only One who deserves it. And if someone is watching, let them see you in true worship. It may be the very thing that makes them want what you have, Jesus! Let the light of Christ shine through your life, in the things you say, the things you do, and in your worship.
God loves you and me. A simple statement that most often we take for granted. Take a minute and think about the life you have lived up to today… I have no doubt in my mind that we have all done things we aren’t proud of. God still loves us in spite of every wrong thing we have said, done, or thought. If and when you wrap your mind around that, you get this awesome feeling inside; at least I did. It also made me wonder: How, after all that I’ve done, after all the times that I’ve screwed up could God still love me?? His answer to me, “Because I am God. I am love. I am.” He is love, and will always love us… AMAZING, mind-blowing, and comforting!
One of the most powerful verses in the Bible, to me is John 3:16. It is one that everyone knows, most have memorized, and sadly we have diluted. Let’s take some time to seriously think about the power this verse has. Most often when we recite this verse we do just that, recite it; in a mono-tone, mumble… “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life.” But what if we said it like this:
For God SO loved the world
God didn’t just love the world, but He SO loved the world. Many times we just seem to skip over the word SO, and pay no attention to it. Pay attention to it! Even though it may seem like such a small, meaningless word, it carries a great deal of meaning in its two letters.
He gave His One and ONLY Son
God sent His only son to earth to die for our sins, so we wouldn’t have to spend eternity (forever) in hell. God didn’t send just any son, not one that He would make another one of, but God sent His one and only PERFECT son to die for us.
So that whoever believes will not die, but have eternal life.
If we truly believe 100% in Jesus Christ, that He is the perfect son of God, who became man, lived a sinless life, was beaten and crucified and put on a cross to die as punishment for the sins of every other person on earth, and He rose again 3 days later, we can live forever with God in Heaven. All God wants us to do is believe He sent his Son to die for our sins and to love Him.
Doesn’t everyone want to make their daddy happy? Then why shouldn’t we try our very best to make our Heavenly Father happy? It sounds simple enough, right? Believe that Jesus died for our sins, love and praise Him with our whole heart, soul, mind and strength. But we humans tend to over think things and make them more difficult than they should be. I know I do. I think it’s time to get back to the basics… A challenge for you, if you are willing to accept, and for me too: When reciting verses, do so with the power the verse itself holds. When worshipping, hold nothing back. Worship God with everything; don’t worry about what your friends will think of you, or what the person a couple rows over will think. Focus only on God, wholeheartedly and you will feel like there is no one else around. If you feel like clapping, then clap, if you feel like raising your hands, then do it. Do whatever you feel in your heart. As long as God is your focus, and what you are doing isn’t for show He will be pleased. Don’t worry about who, if anyone is watching, it shouldn’t matter. Keep focus on the One and only One who deserves it. And if someone is watching, let them see you in true worship. It may be the very thing that makes them want what you have, Jesus! Let the light of Christ shine through your life, in the things you say, the things you do, and in your worship.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Is He Really There??
“Our lives may have somewhat ‘gone up in flames’ but the smoke may have been our very cry to Him… We just didn’t know it.” ~ Mrs. Hillary
- A man had become stranded on a deserted island after his ship sank. He prayed desperately for God to send help, daily; and as he prayed he searched the island for anything that might be of use. Finally he found enough driftwood to build a small hut, barely big enough to protect him from the “weather”; leaving a couple pieces to use to start a fire. While out searching for food a strong gust of wind swept over the island. He came back to find his little hut engulfed in flames with thick black smoke that seemed to go forever up to the sky. He stood staring in disbelief, shock, and anger. He felt the worst had happened and that all hope was lost, as he cried out, “God! How could you do this to me?!” Early the next morning he was awakened by the sound of a ship stopping at the island. As the passengers approached him, he again stood staring in disbelief. “How did you know I was here?” the man asked. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied. – Author Unknown
No matter what trials, difficulties, hardships, pain or suffering that we are faced with, God remains faithful to us. He is never more than “arms length” away, and He is always there waiting for us to reach to Him. It is only from Him that the lasting and comforting peace can come.
I have to be honest and say that the past 6 months have been pretty hard for me, especially emotionally! The song “Can Anybody Hear Me?” by Meredith Andrews has pretty much become my song. The words are exactly how I feel and what I want to say. The first verse and chorus say this, “I’m staring at these empty walls, Wondering when You’ll visit me again, When will you come? If there is anything at all, Coming in between our love, please show me, Cause I am barely hanging on. Can anybody hear me? The silence is deafening, Why do You feel so far away? When I know You’re here with me, But I just need the faith to see, Nothing can separate me from Your love.” I’m just going to be honest and say that I have felt like just totally giving up on God, before. I mean, I’ve always known that being a Christian wasn’t easy. But I never even imagined it would be this hard. I know what you are thinking, “How can this ‘goody goody’ who has gone to church her whole life, and never done anything majorly wrong know anything about things being hard?” Well let me just say, my life has been just PERFECT! Please catch the 100% sarcasm in that statement. I have had my share of screwups, wrong decisions, bad situations, and been hurt a lot. Though I may have known pretty much who God is, and He promises me (and everyone!) there was a period of time after my cousin Matt died that I really wasn’t sure if all this “stuff” about God could be real. I mean, God was suppose to love us, and not leave us; but me being 13 and 14 and extremely sad and hurt because my best friend had been “taken away” from me. Surely if God really loved me He wouldn’t just take him from me, that doesn’t seem very loving, does it? I was so upset, and practically angry that I went for probably a year and a half, maybe longer without ever feeling God move in me. And I didn’t see Him moving around me. I would go to church, sit, stand, sing, pay attention but not get a single thing out of it. Let me clarify by saying, that I now have absolutely NO doubt in my mind that God is real, and all the “stuff” about Him loving me and never leaving me, yeah it’s ALL real! From this point in my life, looking back I feel so dumb for ever thinking God didn’t love me or thinking He didn’t care enough to move or work in me. He put some of the greatest people in my life, when I needed them most. How could I not see God in them, it is so obvious to me now, and with every tough or difficult situation that I have faced since then those same people that God used to get to me then have been there for me, encouraging me, praying with me, praying for me, talking to me, listening to me, laughing with me, crying with me, and always have a hug when I need one. I thank God every day for putting such special people in my life, and I thank Him for never giving up on me. He continues to bless me by putting new wonderful, special people in my life.
And to conclude this blog that I HOPE makes some kind of sense to someone, I just want to say that the God who is with you on the mountain tops (or during the good/happy times) is the SAME God who is with you in the valley (the not so good times). So please don’t be discouraged if you are going through a difficult time, because God is still God and He is ALWAYS with you, no matter what!
- A man had become stranded on a deserted island after his ship sank. He prayed desperately for God to send help, daily; and as he prayed he searched the island for anything that might be of use. Finally he found enough driftwood to build a small hut, barely big enough to protect him from the “weather”; leaving a couple pieces to use to start a fire. While out searching for food a strong gust of wind swept over the island. He came back to find his little hut engulfed in flames with thick black smoke that seemed to go forever up to the sky. He stood staring in disbelief, shock, and anger. He felt the worst had happened and that all hope was lost, as he cried out, “God! How could you do this to me?!” Early the next morning he was awakened by the sound of a ship stopping at the island. As the passengers approached him, he again stood staring in disbelief. “How did you know I was here?” the man asked. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied. – Author Unknown
No matter what trials, difficulties, hardships, pain or suffering that we are faced with, God remains faithful to us. He is never more than “arms length” away, and He is always there waiting for us to reach to Him. It is only from Him that the lasting and comforting peace can come.
I have to be honest and say that the past 6 months have been pretty hard for me, especially emotionally! The song “Can Anybody Hear Me?” by Meredith Andrews has pretty much become my song. The words are exactly how I feel and what I want to say. The first verse and chorus say this, “I’m staring at these empty walls, Wondering when You’ll visit me again, When will you come? If there is anything at all, Coming in between our love, please show me, Cause I am barely hanging on. Can anybody hear me? The silence is deafening, Why do You feel so far away? When I know You’re here with me, But I just need the faith to see, Nothing can separate me from Your love.” I’m just going to be honest and say that I have felt like just totally giving up on God, before. I mean, I’ve always known that being a Christian wasn’t easy. But I never even imagined it would be this hard. I know what you are thinking, “How can this ‘goody goody’ who has gone to church her whole life, and never done anything majorly wrong know anything about things being hard?” Well let me just say, my life has been just PERFECT! Please catch the 100% sarcasm in that statement. I have had my share of screwups, wrong decisions, bad situations, and been hurt a lot. Though I may have known pretty much who God is, and He promises me (and everyone!) there was a period of time after my cousin Matt died that I really wasn’t sure if all this “stuff” about God could be real. I mean, God was suppose to love us, and not leave us; but me being 13 and 14 and extremely sad and hurt because my best friend had been “taken away” from me. Surely if God really loved me He wouldn’t just take him from me, that doesn’t seem very loving, does it? I was so upset, and practically angry that I went for probably a year and a half, maybe longer without ever feeling God move in me. And I didn’t see Him moving around me. I would go to church, sit, stand, sing, pay attention but not get a single thing out of it. Let me clarify by saying, that I now have absolutely NO doubt in my mind that God is real, and all the “stuff” about Him loving me and never leaving me, yeah it’s ALL real! From this point in my life, looking back I feel so dumb for ever thinking God didn’t love me or thinking He didn’t care enough to move or work in me. He put some of the greatest people in my life, when I needed them most. How could I not see God in them, it is so obvious to me now, and with every tough or difficult situation that I have faced since then those same people that God used to get to me then have been there for me, encouraging me, praying with me, praying for me, talking to me, listening to me, laughing with me, crying with me, and always have a hug when I need one. I thank God every day for putting such special people in my life, and I thank Him for never giving up on me. He continues to bless me by putting new wonderful, special people in my life.
And to conclude this blog that I HOPE makes some kind of sense to someone, I just want to say that the God who is with you on the mountain tops (or during the good/happy times) is the SAME God who is with you in the valley (the not so good times). So please don’t be discouraged if you are going through a difficult time, because God is still God and He is ALWAYS with you, no matter what!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
"A Revelation" of Some Kind...
I think enough time has passed that I can write this more easily, with more smiles than tears. We’ll see…
On Sunday March 21, 2010 it will be the 3 month mark since my ^Granddaddy^ went to live with Jesus. Most days it feels like it has been centuries since I was able to see him, talk to him, or hold his hand; but there are days when it seems like only yesterday I was sitting up at the hospital in Gadsden right next to him. Holding his hand, watching him struggle and fight for every breath. My family and I had spent most of the days from the past few weeks up there, and we were all exhausted, yet somehow we found strength to make it through another day, to make another drive to Gadsden. GOD. As I sat in his hospital room that day with each passing second it felt like another part of me was being broken to pieces. And as the minutes turned to hours it took EVERYTHING I had in me to hold myself somewhat together. For some reason, I have no idea why, I have always felt that I HAD to be the strong one, because if I didn’t, then who would be? That’s silly, I know, but I really did think that. So whenever I would feel a tear sliding down my face I would brush it away quickly, hoping that no one would see. I sat next to his bed, with his hand in mine tracing his veins with my finger like I did when I was little; praying that God would hold me tight, keeping me from falling apart. As that afternoon made its way into evening my prayer changed in a way. I still needed God to hold me together, but I needed to feel His peace inside. Around 5ish that evening I started preparing myself to leave, I had this weird feeling in me I guess it was God telling me to say what I needed to say to my ^Granddaddy^ before I left that day. I didn’t want him to keep suffering, but I wasn’t ready to let go just yet. So when 5:30 rolled around, I knew I needed to leave so that I wouldn’t have to drive in a lot of traffic… I rubbed the back of his hand, leaned over and with tears streaming down my face I whispered, “I love you Granddaddy! We have each other; God’s going to get us through. You don’t have to hold on anymore, it’s okay for you to go, we will all be okay. I’ll see you again soon someday. I love you!” And whether it was just my imagination or it really happened, it felt like he, ever so gently squeezed my hand. I knew then that whatever the outcome I WOULD be okay. I had hope and I had peace. The drive home was mostly quiet with random outbursts of questions, like “Why, God? I don’t understand”… and others of that nature. It was quiet around our house that night. Somehow I managed to make myself eat a little something before I went to bed. I couldn’t fall asleep, so I was texting my cousin, Rhiannon for a long time then continued to just lay there. Around midnight I heard someone moving around in the kitchen or living room… then they came down the hall, that’s when my tears started again. Daddy opened my door and I knew before he even said anything, but he still said it anyway confirming what I had hoped to be a wrong feeling. Daddy, Momma, and I sat there on my bed hugging and crying. Momma rubbing my hair, and Daddy holding me tight. My brothers had stayed the night with my Grandmother. The next few days were very busy…
December 22 (Tuesday) was spent at my Grandparents’ house, with lots of family coming and going, people bringing food, and many phone calls. Even though there were lots of people in and out of the house, there was a noticeable quietness, and heaviness that seemed to be pressing down on us. We were looking through pictures looking for some to put on the remembrance c.d that was to be played during the viewing and funeral. I had so many things going through my head that day, I wanted to be by myself, but I didn’t want to be alone, I needed people around, but I didn’t want the attention or the “so sorry’s” that always come with the death of a person. I don’t mean to sound rude by saying this, but it’s just me… It kinda confuses me when people say, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say” then keep talking for like 5 minutes about not knowing what to say. Personally I’d rather just have people around, willing to just sit with me, or hug me or something; you don’t have to say anything. Because to me, when someone grieves over the loss of a person there really isn’t anything anyone can tell them that will help or that they don’t already know. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know but have you ever really thought about it? A person can come up with the most profound thing to say, or have the best intentions in the world, but I haven’t heard anything that brings much comfort that I didn’t already know. Again, not meaning to sound rude, that’s just me and how I feel about it. I find much more comfort in someone willing to just sit with me and hug me, cry with me, laugh with me… True comfort comes from the peace that God gives, and only when I feel that peace will I truly feel the comfort… December 23, another day spent at my Grandparent’s house, full of people coming and going, bringing food, cards, and phone calls. I spent most of that day praying asking God to give me the strength to make it through that night. The viewing was that night; our family met there that night and the looks on everyone’s face was uniquely the same. Walking into the room in the funeral home, and seeing ^Granddaddy^ just laying there, lifeless, but peaceful brought on the tears again. Standing there looking at him just lying in that “ole pine box” I knew that ^Granddaddy^ was finally Home, free from disease, hurt, pain, suffering, and was resting comfortably in the arms of The Healer! SO many people came that night, most of them I didn’t know, but I believe that everyone that came did so with love. Thanks to all those who made me smile, laugh, and cry that night, I really do appreciate it! When the last of the people left, and it was just family again, we just stood there in clusters of 2 or 3 with arms around each other. Breezy, Grandmother, and I were standing together tears in all 6 eyes… She hugged us both and then said the sweetest yet most heart breaking thing I think I have EVER heard!!! She said, “Can’t we take him with us? I just hate to leave him.” Tears streaming down her face, and her words very sincere and full of love. Whatever part of my heart that somehow managed to stay together, definitely broke into pieces then. Though, I’m sure when a couple has been married for 59 years it really would be hard for one to be away from the other… December 24, Christmas Eve, usually a day that anyone would be excited about though for us it was one filled with sadness, hurt, and many more tears. The small service at the church was pretty much packed with love, honor, and compassion for a man who touched many lives in his 81 years of life. And the grave side service was the second one I had ever been to, so it was a still new concept for me… December 25, Christmas Day, was as normal as we could get it considering the circumstances. In some ways it was like a normal Christmas day for us, filled with family time, going going going, smiles, and laughter. But it was also filled with a LOT of quiet moments that are very rare for our family. Even though it was very different, it was a good day overall…
I’ve been told, and I believe that I have been blessed with a passion and the heart to help people. I can’t stand to see people hurting, sad, sick, or suffering, it makes me hurt for them, especially someone that I love. I’ll do anything that I can to help someone. Something that I’ve only told one person, is that every day while ^Granddaddy^ was in the hospital, and every day after that I had this thought in my heart and in my mind. “I wish I could/could have take(n) away some or all of his pain, I wish I could help in some way.” “I wish I had been able to do something more than just sit there and watch.” That really bothered me for so long; it was something that I thought about every single day at least once, if not more. It wasn’t until about a month ago that that thought became different. I had a GREAT talk with someone I love very dearly. J I don’t know what I would do without her! Something she told me that day goes into that REALLY big bucket of things that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. She said, “You know that you did everything you could, and you and I both know that your ^Granddaddy^ was so grateful for what you did do. Maybe what he needed from you was just to be there and hold his hand, I’m sure that helped more than you realize. And maybe that feeling you have inside, of wishing you could have done more, or could have lessened his pain, what if you have the wrong person in mind? God may be wanting to use you to help lessen your Grandmother’s pain, not your ^Granddaddy’s^. I’m not saying you are, but you may be letting your flesh get in the way of what your spirit is trying to do. Think about it, pray about it, and I’ll pray about it too.” I set a goal for myself that day, to put my flesh away and allow my spirit to lead. It’s something easier said than done, but I strive to do it every day!
I heard the song Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood for the first time a couple weeks ago and on my goodness it made me cry. But it is such an awesome song. It has a great reminder within the lyrics. The chorus goes, “This is my temporary home, it’s not where I belong, windows and rooms that I’m passin’ through, this was just a stop, on the way to where I’m going, I’m not afraid because I know, that this is my temporary home” Being a child of God means that our life on this earth will only last for a time, we were not created to be here forever. We were sent to earth to fulfill a specific purpose and after that purpose is filled God call us back Home. The part of the song that really got to me was the third verse. “Old man, hospital bed, the room was filled with people he loves, and he whispers don’t cry for me, I’ll see you all someday, he looks up and says “I can see God’s face’” Such a great song, but makes me cry every single time!!!
I have learned a lot over the past few months, and thought I would share a little with you. I know that I serve an AWESOME, MIGHTY, STRONG, and POWERFUL God, who loves me! I know that no matter what I go through in my life, He will always be there with me, and that I WILL make it through! Take life one day at a time, and with each breath remember to thank God. Because it is only because of Him that you have that breath!
On Sunday March 21, 2010 it will be the 3 month mark since my ^Granddaddy^ went to live with Jesus. Most days it feels like it has been centuries since I was able to see him, talk to him, or hold his hand; but there are days when it seems like only yesterday I was sitting up at the hospital in Gadsden right next to him. Holding his hand, watching him struggle and fight for every breath. My family and I had spent most of the days from the past few weeks up there, and we were all exhausted, yet somehow we found strength to make it through another day, to make another drive to Gadsden. GOD. As I sat in his hospital room that day with each passing second it felt like another part of me was being broken to pieces. And as the minutes turned to hours it took EVERYTHING I had in me to hold myself somewhat together. For some reason, I have no idea why, I have always felt that I HAD to be the strong one, because if I didn’t, then who would be? That’s silly, I know, but I really did think that. So whenever I would feel a tear sliding down my face I would brush it away quickly, hoping that no one would see. I sat next to his bed, with his hand in mine tracing his veins with my finger like I did when I was little; praying that God would hold me tight, keeping me from falling apart. As that afternoon made its way into evening my prayer changed in a way. I still needed God to hold me together, but I needed to feel His peace inside. Around 5ish that evening I started preparing myself to leave, I had this weird feeling in me I guess it was God telling me to say what I needed to say to my ^Granddaddy^ before I left that day. I didn’t want him to keep suffering, but I wasn’t ready to let go just yet. So when 5:30 rolled around, I knew I needed to leave so that I wouldn’t have to drive in a lot of traffic… I rubbed the back of his hand, leaned over and with tears streaming down my face I whispered, “I love you Granddaddy! We have each other; God’s going to get us through. You don’t have to hold on anymore, it’s okay for you to go, we will all be okay. I’ll see you again soon someday. I love you!” And whether it was just my imagination or it really happened, it felt like he, ever so gently squeezed my hand. I knew then that whatever the outcome I WOULD be okay. I had hope and I had peace. The drive home was mostly quiet with random outbursts of questions, like “Why, God? I don’t understand”… and others of that nature. It was quiet around our house that night. Somehow I managed to make myself eat a little something before I went to bed. I couldn’t fall asleep, so I was texting my cousin, Rhiannon for a long time then continued to just lay there. Around midnight I heard someone moving around in the kitchen or living room… then they came down the hall, that’s when my tears started again. Daddy opened my door and I knew before he even said anything, but he still said it anyway confirming what I had hoped to be a wrong feeling. Daddy, Momma, and I sat there on my bed hugging and crying. Momma rubbing my hair, and Daddy holding me tight. My brothers had stayed the night with my Grandmother. The next few days were very busy…
December 22 (Tuesday) was spent at my Grandparents’ house, with lots of family coming and going, people bringing food, and many phone calls. Even though there were lots of people in and out of the house, there was a noticeable quietness, and heaviness that seemed to be pressing down on us. We were looking through pictures looking for some to put on the remembrance c.d that was to be played during the viewing and funeral. I had so many things going through my head that day, I wanted to be by myself, but I didn’t want to be alone, I needed people around, but I didn’t want the attention or the “so sorry’s” that always come with the death of a person. I don’t mean to sound rude by saying this, but it’s just me… It kinda confuses me when people say, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say” then keep talking for like 5 minutes about not knowing what to say. Personally I’d rather just have people around, willing to just sit with me, or hug me or something; you don’t have to say anything. Because to me, when someone grieves over the loss of a person there really isn’t anything anyone can tell them that will help or that they don’t already know. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know but have you ever really thought about it? A person can come up with the most profound thing to say, or have the best intentions in the world, but I haven’t heard anything that brings much comfort that I didn’t already know. Again, not meaning to sound rude, that’s just me and how I feel about it. I find much more comfort in someone willing to just sit with me and hug me, cry with me, laugh with me… True comfort comes from the peace that God gives, and only when I feel that peace will I truly feel the comfort… December 23, another day spent at my Grandparent’s house, full of people coming and going, bringing food, cards, and phone calls. I spent most of that day praying asking God to give me the strength to make it through that night. The viewing was that night; our family met there that night and the looks on everyone’s face was uniquely the same. Walking into the room in the funeral home, and seeing ^Granddaddy^ just laying there, lifeless, but peaceful brought on the tears again. Standing there looking at him just lying in that “ole pine box” I knew that ^Granddaddy^ was finally Home, free from disease, hurt, pain, suffering, and was resting comfortably in the arms of The Healer! SO many people came that night, most of them I didn’t know, but I believe that everyone that came did so with love. Thanks to all those who made me smile, laugh, and cry that night, I really do appreciate it! When the last of the people left, and it was just family again, we just stood there in clusters of 2 or 3 with arms around each other. Breezy, Grandmother, and I were standing together tears in all 6 eyes… She hugged us both and then said the sweetest yet most heart breaking thing I think I have EVER heard!!! She said, “Can’t we take him with us? I just hate to leave him.” Tears streaming down her face, and her words very sincere and full of love. Whatever part of my heart that somehow managed to stay together, definitely broke into pieces then. Though, I’m sure when a couple has been married for 59 years it really would be hard for one to be away from the other… December 24, Christmas Eve, usually a day that anyone would be excited about though for us it was one filled with sadness, hurt, and many more tears. The small service at the church was pretty much packed with love, honor, and compassion for a man who touched many lives in his 81 years of life. And the grave side service was the second one I had ever been to, so it was a still new concept for me… December 25, Christmas Day, was as normal as we could get it considering the circumstances. In some ways it was like a normal Christmas day for us, filled with family time, going going going, smiles, and laughter. But it was also filled with a LOT of quiet moments that are very rare for our family. Even though it was very different, it was a good day overall…
I’ve been told, and I believe that I have been blessed with a passion and the heart to help people. I can’t stand to see people hurting, sad, sick, or suffering, it makes me hurt for them, especially someone that I love. I’ll do anything that I can to help someone. Something that I’ve only told one person, is that every day while ^Granddaddy^ was in the hospital, and every day after that I had this thought in my heart and in my mind. “I wish I could/could have take(n) away some or all of his pain, I wish I could help in some way.” “I wish I had been able to do something more than just sit there and watch.” That really bothered me for so long; it was something that I thought about every single day at least once, if not more. It wasn’t until about a month ago that that thought became different. I had a GREAT talk with someone I love very dearly. J I don’t know what I would do without her! Something she told me that day goes into that REALLY big bucket of things that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. She said, “You know that you did everything you could, and you and I both know that your ^Granddaddy^ was so grateful for what you did do. Maybe what he needed from you was just to be there and hold his hand, I’m sure that helped more than you realize. And maybe that feeling you have inside, of wishing you could have done more, or could have lessened his pain, what if you have the wrong person in mind? God may be wanting to use you to help lessen your Grandmother’s pain, not your ^Granddaddy’s^. I’m not saying you are, but you may be letting your flesh get in the way of what your spirit is trying to do. Think about it, pray about it, and I’ll pray about it too.” I set a goal for myself that day, to put my flesh away and allow my spirit to lead. It’s something easier said than done, but I strive to do it every day!
I heard the song Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood for the first time a couple weeks ago and on my goodness it made me cry. But it is such an awesome song. It has a great reminder within the lyrics. The chorus goes, “This is my temporary home, it’s not where I belong, windows and rooms that I’m passin’ through, this was just a stop, on the way to where I’m going, I’m not afraid because I know, that this is my temporary home” Being a child of God means that our life on this earth will only last for a time, we were not created to be here forever. We were sent to earth to fulfill a specific purpose and after that purpose is filled God call us back Home. The part of the song that really got to me was the third verse. “Old man, hospital bed, the room was filled with people he loves, and he whispers don’t cry for me, I’ll see you all someday, he looks up and says “I can see God’s face’” Such a great song, but makes me cry every single time!!!
I have learned a lot over the past few months, and thought I would share a little with you. I know that I serve an AWESOME, MIGHTY, STRONG, and POWERFUL God, who loves me! I know that no matter what I go through in my life, He will always be there with me, and that I WILL make it through! Take life one day at a time, and with each breath remember to thank God. Because it is only because of Him that you have that breath!
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